Panama Nail Polish Crisis

It may seem a little thing to many, something non-importnat. Well, all those folks would be wrong. And I know many will understand my plight and be pastoral. Here for the first time in my life, I have strong, growing, almost long REAL nails--my very own. As I have a great collection of red nail polish (Revlon Red, otherwises known as "screaming whorebitch red") is my favorite color). I have other colors, too, but they react the same. But there is some sorta climatic problem--or something-- here that prevents the stuff from staying on my nails for more than one entire day, even my LEFT hand, less used, as I am mostly right-handed. It doesn't matter, it seems, how much great, powerful base coat I use, how many coats of paint (2 to 4), then the strongest top coat I can find. I do ice and oil quick-dry and patiently sit and wait for all coats to dry. And even if I do absolutely Nothing in two days, the stuff starts chipping in the weirdest places. NOT chipping in the usual spots where one uses fingers and nails to open soda cans or knitting (I let thestuff dry forever; do all the things right, etc), the polish starts chipping. I do not understand. What is wrong? Is it the heat, the humidity?. Even if I use polish, base and top coats purchased here in Panama or from the US, the damned stuff doesn't stick. It is the most amazing thing.) Now, in the great scheme of things, it's not the Middle East crisis; it's not the need to impeach George Bush, i'ts not the atrocities of Chiquita and the homophobia of the Episcopal Church madness here--and every other church besides. I realise all of that. But in all this heat, in spite of it, I have great nails and I can't get polish to stay. It's a girl thing and it's important in that way as a priest of a gay church, the ONLY liberal gay positive church in the entire country! Is it an unconscious wish to take back my Pax Christi vow of nonviolence and slonk all the homophobes in the kneedaps? Maybe peacebang can help. Ill have to ask. But I want pretty sexy nails and it ain't happening! I'ts bad enough to have to bathe in dirty water, or to go without water for days (I've found that a total body bath in witch hazel on cotton swabs cleans one well enough but the topic of baby fine chicken hair that needs to be washed and can't be is another issue), or to be without power for days when Diablo Chiquita bananas have to be processed, the damn polish doesn't stick. I've tried cheap polish; i've tried expensive polish like Chanel. It doesn't seem to matter. Sure, makeup sweats off in my lap (bare essentials is the ONLY thing that seems to work for more than an hour) and spary on tanning products sweats off or washes off in the dirty water, But one woud think perfect nail care would produce results. Is there something I dont' know? Anybody got any suggestions? I've having a crisis here. And never mind toenaiil polish; I can understand that it all chips and falls off walking around in dirt and rocks and muddy water growing Dengue. But FINGRNAILS! what Is he answer? Totally disgusted--- not your usual missionary position is having a HUGe girly crisis! Enough is just enough! Living in a land without Quakers, Jesuits, UU's, and pagans is bad enough, but this is ridiculous! oonie in Almirante Thanks to peacebang's helps for the female ministers was just such a boost in understanding, I can't help but feel better.