Why I am an Episcopalian

I'm an Episcopalian because I'm a sensual being and because I like sex and because I think God is sexy. Well, it USED to be that many Episcos felt this way before we all got soo tight-assed and conservative and tedious. Who do you think has been our priests since forevah? Straight men? Oh, sure, SOME, but the C/church would NEVER have lasted this long without our Gay and Lesbian siblings. I've always believed that convents, monasteries, nunneries, and the like were ESPECIALLY created as places for same-gender folk to experience love--in whatever way they saw fit to act as God called. Sure, I believe there are people called to celibacy, but it's a calling for Christ's sake! And who really knows what Jesus did with HIS genitals? I mean REALLY! IF the Myers-Briggs folk say that Jesus would have been an XXXX, then doesn't that somehow follow that Jesus would have been bi? I know I was not raised on Thomasine logic so there are many steps of therefores left out in that bold statement, but come on! who cares? I mean really? I do think, as Annie Dillard says, "God does not, I regret to report, give a hoot." But all that talk of the Body of Christ over and over and all the incense and music and chant and the back and forth dialogue--not to mention the delightful thoughts of sex and sexiness that MUST go through other people's heads besides mine when I'm in church--the Kiss of Peace, the hand-holdings, the intimacies of touch of healing/unction, ashes on Ash Wednesday, candles, smells of beeswax and years of tears, sweat, smelling salts, fragrance, incense, wood rot, and termites (as my mother used to describe the cathedral in MS)--the sweet sweet wine on the tongue, the yeastiness of bread mixed with honey or even the fish food of wafers melting. And of course the Beauty of Episcopal/Anglican churches and the Beauty of all sorts of people and the Beauty of the outdoors when we welcome it in from non-stained glass or open doors and windows as we do here 9 degrees N in Paradise. And all our liturgy stuff IS sexy, when it is well-done--and delicious when it's Louis Weil-Lizette Larson Miller well done, that's just too too much yummy! HOWEVER I MUST say that THE sexiest church I've ever experienced happend here about 3 months ago when every Latin American bishop and his/her cat came for some big doo-dah meeting. It was pouring rain and the cathedral was pouring rain onto costly hot vestments. So the ooh ooh sticky part was already there. But THEN the dancers--ALL the kinds of Panamanian dances--came and there were lots of gorgeous young bodies shimmying and that was lovely--I'm not so turned on by youthful bodies--it's the older ones that get me goin. But anyway, all that undulation of hips of whatever age and gender was wonderful. But that was mere foreplay. And then. OH GOD, Sweet Heavenly Jesus! The African Dance Troupe leader danced the Gospel book barefooted--someone told me it was conga. THEN and THEN she and the bishop (who is truly a beautiful human being) did this back and forth ting that made me slide off my pew I was so aroused!! FINALLY the bishop took the gospel book--I was about to have to leave and go find the Hitachi wand--and THEN danced it to read, which helped to calm me down some. And I was sitting next to the bishop's wife, who is the TRUE hottie in the family as far as I'm concerned...she's one of those women you just find you want to fall intoo--and I'm a straight woman. No, I don't lust for the lovely Anita; it's not a genital ting, but she is just luscious. Well, I couldn't help myself. I leaned over and said, "What time does that plane leave in the morning?" and she told me 6 and I suggested that she mess with the time so Obispo Hunko would miss his plane! Lordy Jesus, Help Me! If we could do that EVERY Sunday, we'd turn Rome on its ear! The only thing missing were out and out gay men! I mean they are THERE but do they know that I know? Do THEY even know? Do they know I'd be thrilled to have gay men in the rectory and talk with gay men and hear their stories! Oh, I DO miss them sooo here 9 Degreees North in Paradise. May the day come quickly when we celebrate ALL of our gender ways of lovin and bein as God made us! Menopausal hot flashes, heat, humidity, dance, music, good wine, good bread--all that--was more than I could possibly bear. I wanted to grab my beloved and just throw him on the floor! But that might have been too much!!! We ARE the frozen chosen, after all!!! But there's nothing like good church to get me in the mood! I'm all for daily eucharist here. Papi, Esposo would be fucked several times a day I believe if we had daily Eucharist. I've always been one for the sweat and the funk. But my dream sweat and funk has never been in HEAT. It's always in COLD where we sweat and get all funky! I'm having to learn to BEGIN in the funk. We installed three bidets in the 3 bathrooms because I always feel soo well smelly. And I was raised in MS and have never been bothered by the odor of my body before but this is too much! Don't drink enough water and it's awful. Drink TOO much water and it's not good either. Weird. That my body's odors all ripe ALL THE TIME are not pleasant, even to me. Soo it's good to know that there is ALWAYS more to learn about sex....NOW if we can just figure out how to hang the leather sling swing chair so that the damned rectory doesn't fall in on top of us! And the bed--a queen size--is being made and will be ready upon our return to Cedar Creek. And we get a new mattress. I am soo excited!!! Misquito netting and a new bed. My Oh My! And the new Susie Bright!! Okay, I'm dying NOW. Where IS that man? Screw that sermon!!!